I’ve watched enough science fiction to know that time and time-travel always create tricky plot-lines. In writing, time-travel completely corrupts the rules of verb tense and pronoun use, and blurs who exactly experienced what. I say this because yesterday, I was inspired to write a note—to myself six months ago.
For most of this week, I’d experienced this strange and persistent sensation, causing me to think about myself back then, who I was and how I had felt, which was lost and lonely mostly. So much has changed in my life for the better over the past six months. When I finally decided to write myself this note, I thought that it would be a releasing of the past—a final freeing myself now from who I had been.
But as I was writing, I experienced something extraordinary. Rather than letting go of my past self, I offered her—or me—words of encouragement and kindness. I told her gently that there were certain people she could trust and others she shouldn’t, but that she could completely trust herself. And as I allowed the words to flow, I knew that she got my message. Or, I knew that I had received this message…six months ago.
Albert Einstein explained that the reason time seems to flow in a forward direction is so we don’t experience everything happening at once. Writing about this experience, I see his point. My Present Self experienced my Past Self receiving my help. And my Past Self experienced my Future Self’s offer of help. And yesterday, in a moment, I seemed to experience them all at once.
It was as if I reached a hand into my past to pull myself forward. I felt myself both reaching out and grabbing hold. At once, I was who I am, who I was, and who I’m becoming. I felt myself six months ago hearing the encouraging and strong voice of my Future Self (now my Present Self). And if that’s true, then it seems reasonable that the nagging feeling I’d had this week was myself six months ago calling for help.
To my surprise, in reaching into my past, I have reunited parts of me who had been missing each other. As I think of the synchronistic and extraordinary changes I have experienced since July 27th, I can easily acknowledge that I have felt something powerful guiding me out of that darkness. A Course in Miracles says that miracles collapse time. Honestly, nothing short of a miracle could have led me here. And it seems truly miraculous and impossibly sweet that the hand guiding me forward would turn out to be my own.