releasing my resistance

For a few years, I have played a little game when I get overwhelmed or anxious.  I create a list of things that I will do—and a list of things I will let the universe do for me.  Offloading my TO DO’s is supposed to help me feel better in the moment and remember that I have help. 

Over the past few days, however, I have begun to see that I often hold back what I am willing to put in the universe column, second-guessing what it’s willing or able to handle.  Even more limiting, I frequently keep things that overwhelm me on my list, believing that I have to “do my part” in order for the universe to help me.  I have also mistakenly assumed that if I fail to accomplish my TO DO’s, then I don’t deserve the universe’s help.  Ironically, I unwittingly create huge obstacles doing something intended to alleviate my own resistance. 

The purpose of this game is to find relief from feeling overwhelmed, enabling me to focus on what’s truly important.  The list for the universe is not meant to be conditional.  The whole point is to offload as much as possible onto the universe’s column, not to second-guess what it can and can’t help me with—and certainly not to keep things on my list as kind of cosmic quid pro quo

This past weekend, I had a cold, and I really wanted to rest.  But I had a long list of things that I had to do.  Just thinking about all of the things on my TO DO list overwhelmed and exhausted me.  With my newfound insight, I decided to play this game in an entirely new way.  I thought of all of the things that I had to do, and I wrote resting on my TO DO list.  Then I gave myself permission to offload my projects and chores to the universe column.  The more I offloaded, the lighter I felt.  When I finished, my TO DO list consisted of resting and recouping, which I did guilt-free.  Today, my cold is almost gone and inspiration is flowing on all of my projects.  Go figure. 

If I have learned anything from the synchronicity in my life, it’s that if I say a prayer or ask for help, I get it.  My challenge becomes one of receiving the answers and accepting the help.  But the universe unfailingly provides whatever support I need, and God really does have my back.  And thankfully, both seem willing to repeatedly rescue me from my own resistance and limiting beliefs.

2 thoughts on “releasing my resistance”

  1. A touching post, Carolyn. I too know the dread of an incomplete to-do list.

    I’m curious, when you write your own name, do you do it in all caps? I suspect not. But putting into the Universe your to-do list in all caps makes it seem more important than you, leaving you its servant. I’m probably getting too deep here for a blog comment, but that leaped out at me as I read this.

    1. I hadn’t looked at it in this way! But now that you say this, I can see it too. Thanks for this thoughtful observation.
      ~ Carolyn

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